Barton pledges to ‘support government’

Controversial Newcastle midfielder Joey Barton, 26, has SENSATIONALLY offered his support to the government, Happy Claptrap can exclusively reveal.

With police forces undercounting some of the most serious offences in England and Wales, violent crime figures are down as a result. And as Home Secretary Jacqui Smith came under fire, the tough-tackling jailbird promised to return some of her recent hospitality.

An unnamed source told Happy Claptrap told BBC Sport, “Like all of us, Joey has heard about the fall in violent crime and wants to use his experience to do something about it – starting at Sunderland this Saturday.”

Barton, who has beaten up teammates and strangers alike, is best known for stubbing out his expensive cigar IN A TEENAGER’S FACE – leading to an outcry against his playboy antics. But following a spell behind bars, he hopes to become a role model for youngsters everywhere. “The public needs to be able to trust the authorities, and Joey feels he can start to redeem his past by helping getting those figures back where they belong.”

And Ms Smith launched her own stinging rebuke to critics: "Let's be clear, this isn't crime that wasn't being recorded or wasn't being reported or wasn't being dealt with. It was just being recorded falsely, reported the wrong way and dealt with badly. But the upshot is that, overall, violent crime is down. Probably.”

Policing Minister Vernon Croaker said crime figures could still be trusted, but remained unsure about Joey Barton.