Top secret reports set out US government plans to launch the first man INTO CYBERSPACE, Happy Claptrap can reveal in an exclusive scoop.
As the world’s only online superpower, the US is responsible for policing web sites all over the globe, but troop commitments in Afghanistan and Iraq have stretched forces to BREAKING POINT.
“We can’t send in a battalion of Marines every time we find a site showing you how to make a bomb out of camel dung and dates in some flea-ridden sand hole in the middle of nowhere,” revealed one anonymous military source. “Sending men online, however, would allow us to close down these mothers with no collateral damage whatsoever,” he continued somewhat heatedly.
Happy Claptrap believes that the new technology works by DOWNLOADING THE BRAIN, converting it to an electronic file and then attaching it to an image of a muscular cartoon figure. The image would then be emailed to the offending site to “unleash hell”.
NASA yesterday slammed the claim as “a freakin’ joke, you Limey mutts”.
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