ID Cards: the bald facts

Bald people stand to lose more than just their hair as the national ID Card Bill descends into farce, Happy Claptrap can reveal.

Technological difficulties mean they may also lose their IDENTITY should the looney legislation pass through parliament. Secret studies have shown that the follically-challenged risk being identified as somebody else OR NOT AT ALL – meaning many would cease to exist.

“It’s all very complicated, but essentially the problem arises when light reflects from a polished pate resulting in a poor quality scan,” one anonymous scientist told Happy Claptrap.

But a spokesman for bald people felt that the study wasn’t all bad news for baldies.

“Without an identity, identity theft would become a thing of the past for many bald men. On top of that, if we cease to officially exist our privacy would be protected so it’s goodbye to piles of unwanted post and nuisance phone calls.”

Famous bald people include Kojak, Yul Brynner and the singer from Hot Chocolate.