Eurocrats ‘wage war’ on Eurobrats

Teenagers are to be made ILLEGAL under new Euro measures to curb the rise in slouching, Happy Claptrap can reveal.

The proposals are also set to prohibit the wearing of “exposed undergarments”, “prison-white” trainers and “unfocused, churlish” expressions by any member of the community. They were immediately condemned as “f***ing rubbish” by a spokesman for UK teenagers at a press conference outside the MacDonald’s on Stevenage High Street.

However, incidents of slouching and general slothfulness are on the increase. National leaders recently issued a joint statement expressing concern at teenagers flooding onto the streets to STAND AROUND IDLY, SIT ON BENCHES, or RIDE VERY SMALL BIKES.

An independent survey commissioned by the European Council was shocked by findings that show the ‘seat of jean differential’ has continued to plummet, reaching the back of the knees and provoking calls for immediate action.

Parental groups are thought to welcome the move, with an unnamed Swedish father of two teenage children giving a typical reaction.

“My kids won’t talk to me, in fact they hate my guts. Even so, they eat my food, take my money and even steal my drugs. Good f*****g riddance, I say.”

Last night, police forces across 94 countries began rounding up known teenagers with burger restaurants, street corners and small, poorly-lit parks all eerily deserted.